Who's a Freak?

That would be me. Currently most people see me as quiet. Maybe even a pushover. That's all got to change. I have to finish school which is stressing me out beyond belief. So how do you break out of everything other people think you are?

BEWARE! A STEAMING PILE OF STRESS

...may cause interruptions. You show some degree of difficulty in handling stressful situations. When you have a problem, your confidence wavers and your ability to think rationally, put it in perspective and deal with it becomes suspect. Your resilience and toughness gets smacked around when faced with new or uneasy situations. You feel like giving up and sometimes you do especially when you cannot find a silver-lining in the worst case scenario. My advice to you is to take a few deep breaths, relax a little more, focus, organize your thoughts and write down Plans A, B & C to remedy your stressful situations. Putting your thoughts, goals or solutions down on a piece of paper can help you greatly. You may even want to lean on friends for ideas and suggestions when the issue is a particular doozy. In any case, keep thinking positive. You can do it!

The above is the advice SolveYourProblem gave me. I have noticed that when I reach a certain stress level, I get reckless. Thing is about being reckless though, you don't care. It's like yeah I just threw everything that used to be important to me out the window....what's it to you?!

BMR

First Day on My Way to Skinny

 Current Stats:
Height: 5'8"
Weight: 188.4 lbs

Body Fat: 36.2%
Hydration: 46.8 %
Bust: 43 in
Waist: 37 in
Hips: 42 1/4 in
Thigh: 25 3/4 in
Bicep: 12 1/2 in
BMI: 28.6

  Goal Stats:
Height: 5'8"

Weight: 125-137
Body Fat: 20-25%
Hydration: 50%
Bust: 33-34 in
Waist: 26-27 in
Hips: 36-37 in
BMI: 19-22

So Maybe I'm Snarky

It doesn't matter. It's not like I go around telling people they're fat or that I hate them. I'm just practicing speaking my mind here to build up the courage to do it in real life.

I'm about to undergo a major personality overhaul and I choose to record it on a blog. People just walk all over me because I'm nice, but I'm starting to get sick of it. I usually let them do what they want to because I dgaf, but sometimes that attitude carries over to things that DO matter to me. Sometimes I don't fight back because it's easier that way, sometimes I do fight back and they run me over anyway. Not cool.

No more letting douchebags talk to me in a pervy way that feels like see me like more a slutty figment of their imagination than a person who deserves respect.  No more letting people cut in front of me in line when I'm the last person in line. No more eating something I don't like and don't want because someone else makes me feel guilty. No more smiling at people just to make them feel better when I don't think it's funny. No letting people mispronounce my name on purpose (Chohlee, Chahlee, Charles, Sharlee, Sorry Charlee HAHAHAHAHA, Chaaaaaaaaarlee.....and the nightmare drags on).

No more smiling and nodding when it's in my best interest to scowl and refuse.

No more living my life to please other people!

This Is Me

So last night I was listening to music (probably Ke$ha) and I thought "I'm tired of this." I don't like being the person I am in real life. I'm quite fond of the person I am in my head, but the person everyone else sees? Everyone else sees something like this:

This girl is a nice girl. She always seems to do everything exactly right, tries to pretend to be perfect, smiles when she feels like punching people, tries not to say mean things about people behind their backs.

Well that's over, starting now.

I'm going to Paul Mitchell the School. I have a roommate (N) who is annoying. I'm nice to her because I guess it's not her fault she's annoying. I'd move out but it's student housing and I have a lease until November. So I put up with her trying to tell me what to do (I'd say "be my mom," but my mom doesn't tell me what to do). Our third roommate just moved out, so N laid claim to all the food she left behind. And no surprise there, since she's three inches taller than me (I'm 5'8") and at least 175 lbs heavier.

I should probably say "Oh well she has PCOS, so it's hard for her to lose weight." Yeah well considering the size of the rest of her family, she'd probably still be that weight anyway. She tried HCG, lost some, but then got sick and went off it. She's sick all the time.

The roommate also left clothes behind which N couldn't claim because she's a size 24 and the old roommate is a size 2.

I'm tired of being the nice girl, that's why I'm doing this.

I'm also tired of being the chubby girl. I've known for awhile that I'm fat, but last night it just really hit me. I have all these rolls of fat and it's gross and, well, I won't do that anymore. I was going to try to lose it "the healthy way" by figuring out BMR and just cutting out a few hundred calories and slowly get down to a nice and healthy weight.

Well I don't feel like it. I'm a size 11/13. At 184.6 lbs and 35.5% body fat, my ideal weight should not be below 149 lbs (at that weight, I'd have 20% body fat and the Fat2Fit people say that women should not go below that. Well I don't want people telling me how much I can weigh. So when I get back from IBS Las Vegas this weekend, I'll start my diet. Between 1,200 and 1,600 calories per day and as much exercise as I can fit in every day (I already walk 3 miles most days, but I want to do more). And I'll just keep going until I get to a size 3/5.